Today, I had a quiet moment of reflection. I found myself contemplating various aspects of my life—the past, the future—and for some reason, there was a beautiful yet strange calmness in my heart. I was gentle and kind to myself. I started hearing a voice in my head saying, “Hey, beautiful, you’re doing a great job. You didn’t give up on yourself, so keep fighting, keep loving who you are, keep forgiving yourself.” It felt like my heart was giving my soul a warm hug.

This morning, as I sat with my journal, I made a firm commitment to myself. I wrote down that today would mark the end of making excuses in my life. Lately, I’ve been striving for a more intentional and focused life—organizing my time, my family activities, and seeking happiness. However, I’ve realized that I don’t often pause and ask myself, “What do I really want to do right now?” While writing this post, I felt an urge to go outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. I gazed at the sky and felt an immense sense of happiness.

How many times have I meticulously organized and rearranged my priorities without seriously considering what I truly want to do? Perhaps I’m afraid that what I want won’t fit into my schedule or maybe I’ve mistakenly believed that I am prioritizing my thoughts when I’m actually not. Sometimes, I rebel against this realization, feeling frustrated for not addressing my goals and desires. I refer to it as “quality me time” and indulge in activities like getting a massage, going to a spa, or shopping. However, to be honest, these activities only numb my true desires and thoughts, providing temporary satisfaction that doesn’t last.

What if I desire moments of solitude, where I can immerse myself in music, indulge in reading, and wholeheartedly focus on my studies? Will I be comfortable disregarding the opinions and inquiries of those around me? People may wonder about my whereabouts, questioning why I am not responding to messages or calls. Do I need to think about what excuses will I give to those around me. Maybe my husband would perceive it as unusual that I opt for moments of silence. These are the moments when the challenges arise—when I consider the expectations of others and risk neglecting my own needs. However, just because the world may resist or prefer stability doesn’t mean I should refrain from pursuing what I feel is necessary in my life at this time. Despite my continuous promises to learn the art of saying no, I still struggle with it. It is crucial for me to track my progress and actively pursue what truly resonates with my desires.

Writing has always been a therapeutic outlet for me—it instills a sense of peace, tranquility, and joy within me. Through the expression of my thoughts and emotions in writing, I have come to realize that my emotional nature and delicate heart are not weaknesses; I no longer wish to change them.

I’m trying to question why there is so much noise and chaos in my head. Maybe there’s no need for it. Overthinking has never served me well, so perhaps it’s time to stop overthinking and stop magnifying things more than they truly are. Pause and reflect for a moment—today could be the day you liberate yourself from the piles of excuses and step into the realm of authenticity, embracing the person you truly aspire to be.